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Author Topic: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex  (Read 163 times)

shoutman

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How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
« on: November 28, 2018, 09:31:19 PM »
Hey everyone,

Trying to work out the best way to word the beliefs using the correct structure to stop thinking about an ex.

I've clicked tracked the feelings in general which has helped significantly and I'm just now running a few beliefs such as:

I couldn't get over her
I couldn't move on
I couldn't let go of her
I had missed her

I think these will probably be enough as just running the EEF click tracks a few days ago has done wonders.

However one thing that I want to get rid of is to stop thinking about her on a daily basis. It's not always negative thoughts (although sometimes it is) but just random thoughts about her or things we done together.

Or sometimes I'll replay old memories in my mind either how they actually went or new versions like an old fight but imagine it going differently. I'll catch myself doing this and then feel bad as we broke up years ago now and think I shouldn't still be struggling with this.

Admittedly this has significantly died down the past few days from the click tracks alone so I'm very optimistic about the belief blasters completely removing everything.

But how do I stop things reminding me of her and therefor me thinking about her. For example I was cooking pasta the other day and it reminded me how she taught me to break it in half first and then I started thinking about her and when we lived together and so on. But there are a heap of these tiny little things.

So what would be the best way to word the beliefs correctly.

I couldn't stop thinking about her - not sure if this is correct because thinking isn't in the past tense?

I had thought about her everyday
I had thought about her all the time

I am hoping the initial beliefs will fix this and I won't think about her anyway but I am just a little confused on the best way to word it correctly.

Hope that makes sense.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks


Paul

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Re: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2018, 04:38:11 AM »
Hi Shoutman,

Thanks for posting and for your questions.

I am glad that what you have been doing with the Click Tracks has been working well for you.

The aim is not to suppress your memories, but to eventually look at your relationship anew - without the grief, sadness and regret attached. In other words, you look at the same events and feel completely differently. That is very achievable with these tools and your subconscious will do this for you.

The beliefs you cited initially are more in the "emotionally descriptive" category, as opposed to being "emotionally causal."

In other words, "I can't/couldn't move on" reflects and is descriptive of your experience, but perhaps "It is dangerous to move on" would be more causal.

"I had missed her" also describes your emotional experience, whereas another belief (or set of beliefs) would likely be causing you to miss her.  The beliefs effectively describe the same experience. Perhaps beliefs like "I will never be in a good relationship again" or  "I lost my shot at love" will be feeding into missing your ex-girlfriend.

The other thing I would suggest is that you look for the beliefs beneath the beliefs you have cited.

So, "I couldn't get over her", for example: why? What would someone have to believe to come to that conclusion?

What would they believe about themselves, their relationship, life, people and love?

Extrapolate this for the other beliefs.

Essentially, you would be best-served, I sense, by hunting out the self-esteem, life and relationship beliefs.

Beliefs like the following MAY fit the pattern:

- "Relationships don't work"
- "People can't be trusted"
- "I'm not good enough"
- "I'm not wanted"
- "I don't measure up"
- "I'm not acceptable"
- "If I don't do what's needed, I'll be rejected"
- "Nothing ever works out for me"
- "Life is unfair"
- "There's something wrong with me"

There will be others.

All beliefs shape our reality, so hunt out the ones causing the unwanted emotional experience, put them into the past tense, blast them and continue to use the Click Tracks.

For every belief you blast, I also recommend layering in at least one positive suggestion with Quantum Turbo.

Hope that helps.

Best Regards,

Paul  :)
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Brian

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Re: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2018, 06:45:30 AM »
Been there!

Try these beliefs

It was hard to let go
It was dangerous to let go
It was scary to let go
It was sad to let go
I couldn't get over it
I couldn't handle it

Really think about these beliefs when you blast them, the worst possible thoughts you can and really feel the extreme feelings associated wit the belief the entire time while you try as hard as you can to believe whet you are saying is true.

It's important to really feel those feelings.


Can you please provide a little more detail around what happened with the breakup? Was there another person? Did she abandon you? Were you rejected etc?

It sounds like there is some resentment and grief which can cause stuck/obsessive thinking.

Let us know.

Thanks
« Last Edit: November 29, 2018, 07:32:01 AM by Brian »
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shoutman

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Re: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2018, 08:13:58 AM »
Hey Paul and Brian thanks for your responses.

I think there probably were a few underlying beliefs as you mentioned Paul.

I do want to be clear I am actually feeling quite good about the whole thing at the moment. A couple of months ago I actually started to feel like I'm finally getting over her and then I discovered PSTEC and probably about a week ago I done the free click track and was amazed at how it neutralized the negative feelings and then got the EEFs and used them on certain painful memories/fights/situations and feel good.

There hasn't been any of the emotional or painful memories since I started using PSTEC like replaying old scenarios in my head, that was all before PSTEC so I am hoping they are gone.  The only thing that still really happens is things will remind me of her and I'll be like damn I thought of her again but I'm finding there isn't really much of an emotional charge behind it.

I just started doing the belief blasters today, the ones I used (which may not have been in the correct format) were:

I couldn’t let go of her
I couldn’t get over her
I had thought about her everyday
Things had reminded me of her
I had missed being in a relationship with her
I couldn’t move on from her
I had been scared of never hearing from her again
I couldn’t get a girl as hot as her
I couldn’t get a girl hotter than her
I couldn't get a girl as cool as her
I couldn't get a girl as good as her
(I replaced her with her actual name when doing the tracks)

We lived together for 4 years and were engaged. To explain the breakup...

It started 3 months into the relationship when I found out she had been sleeping with another guy and me at the same time when we first met, before we were officially together. The issue was that I had asked her about this at the time and she said no so we became official and 3 months later madly in love and had just moved in together and I come across dirty emails from her to this guy and I match up the dates and from there it pretty much done my head in (oh how I wish I knew about PSTEC then haha). I made the mistake of thinking if I slept with someone else we would be even and I would feel better, which it didn't and just made me feel guilty. Then about a year later she found out and that was pretty much the beginning of the end.

She moved out suddenly which caught me off guard and about 6 months later we properly broke up. Because I'm not from the same country I flew home. This was end of 2014.

We agreed to wait a few months and get back in touch and see how we felt, so we did and we both decided to get back together. She was going to come and see me.

Except it dragged on and on where she would tell me she was coming and then I wouldn't hear from her and then we would skype and it would be all good and this dragged on through all of 2015. Which I had then found out she had a new boyfriend during that time.

So in 2016 I flew over there and she had a different new boyfriend but we talked and decided we would be together again, she would pack up and move back to her home town I wold fly back home get things organized and then fly back over and we would be together again. So at this stage it was all good, she did move back to her home town and we were making wedding plans.

So at the start of 2017 I flew over and lived with her for 3 months but it was horrible, she wasn't interested in me at all. We slept together once during the whole 3 months and I found pictures on her phone in bed with other guys, I found male sex toys in the bathroom, she was always working extremely late and she was also on tinder.

It obviously didn't work out so I flew home and we properly broke up May 2017. I was pretty much a mess after that, even messaged her a few times wanting to get back together. Then I found out she had a new boyfriend about a month after I left.

By the end of the year I had started to accept the fact it was over and was seeing other girls but nothing serious.

We emailed a couple of times and it was nice but I found myself checking my email a million times a day to see if she had replied. I last heard from her about 8 months ago, she didn't reply to my last email.

A couple of months ago I moved and started getting out there and going on dates which has helped a lot but she was always still in the back of my mind so I was extremely happy when I tried the free click tracks and they worked.

An issue I have had was thinking I would never get a girl as cool and as attractive as her, as she was objectively very attractive and I find myself comparing her to other girls I'm seeing and then feeling bad when they are not as good.

Even when sleeping with other girls I'm comparing their bodies to hers and on occasion I've had to think about my ex to actually finish.

I also had this fear of never talking to or seeing her again, I think I got comfort in the thought that we could still be friends and check in with each other and see how we were going but I haven't heard from her in ages. She also has my dog which sometimes I miss.

Like I said I only discovered PSTEC about a week ago so the majority of all these thoughts and feelings are pre-PSTEC but I definitely want to move on and just feel ok with everything.

I think I'm on the right track but I would definitely love any advice on what to do next.

I don't really feel sad or hurt anymore I kind of just want to move on, I'm sick of it being an issue I'm more excited to use PSTEC in other areas of my life I just want to be done with this part but I want to make sure I "fix" it properly if that makes sense.

Again thanks for all the help.

Also apologies for the super long post.

Brian

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Re: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2018, 09:16:34 AM »
Hey Paul and Brian thanks for your responses.

I think there probably were a few underlying beliefs as you mentioned Paul.

I do want to be clear I am actually feeling quite good about the whole thing at the moment. A couple of months ago I actually started to feel like I'm finally getting over her and then I discovered PSTEC and probably about a week ago I done the free click track and was amazed at how it neutralized the negative feelings and then got the EEFs and used them on certain painful memories/fights/situations and feel good.

There hasn't been any of the emotional or painful memories since I started using PSTEC like replaying old scenarios in my head, that was all before PSTEC so I am hoping they are gone.  The only thing that still really happens is things will remind me of her and I'll be like damn I thought of her again but I'm finding there isn't really much of an emotional charge behind it.

I just started doing the belief blasters today, the ones I used (which may not have been in the correct format) were:

I couldn’t let go of her
I couldn’t get over her
I had thought about her everyday
Things had reminded me of her
I had missed being in a relationship with her
I couldn’t move on from her
I had been scared of never hearing from her again
I couldn’t get a girl as hot as her
I couldn’t get a girl hotter than her
I couldn't get a girl as cool as her
I couldn't get a girl as good as her
(I replaced her with her actual name when doing the tracks)

We lived together for 4 years and were engaged. To explain the breakup...

It started 3 months into the relationship when I found out she had been sleeping with another guy and me at the same time when we first met, before we were officially together.


Blast the beliefs:

I had been betrayed
I had been wronged
Others should be faithful



The issue was that I had asked her about this at the time and she said no so we became official and 3 months later madly in love and had just moved in together and I come across dirty emails from her to this guy and I match up the dates and from there it pretty much done my head in (oh how I wish I knew about PSTEC then haha). I made the mistake of thinking if I slept with someone else we would be even and I would feel better, which it didn't and just made me feel guilty. Then about a year later she found out and that was pretty much the beginning of the end.

Blast
I had to get even
I had to get revenge

She moved out suddenly which caught me off guard and about 6 months later we properly broke up. Because I'm not from the same country I flew home. This was end of 2014.

Blast I was abandoned

We agreed to wait a few months and get back in touch and see how we felt, so we did and we both decided to get back together. She was going to come and see me.


Except it dragged on and on where she would tell me she was coming and then I wouldn't hear from her and then we would skype and it would be all good and this dragged on through all of 2015. Which I had then found out she had a new boyfriend during that time.

People took advantage of me
People let me on
Others should be honest

So in 2016 I flew over there and she had a different new boyfriend but we talked and decided we would be together again, she would pack up and move back to her home town I wold fly back home get things organized and then fly back over and we would be together again. So at this stage it was all good, she did move back to her home town and we were making wedding plans.

So at the start of 2017 I flew over and lived with her for 3 months but it was horrible, she wasn't interested in me at all. We slept together once during the whole 3 months and I found pictures on her phone in bed with other guys, I found male sex toys in the bathroom, she was always working extremely late and she was also on tinder.

It obviously didn't work out so I flew home and we properly broke up May 2017. I was pretty much a mess after that, even messaged her a few times wanting to get back together. Then I found out she had a new boyfriend about a month after I left.

By the end of the year I had started to accept the fact it was over and was seeing other girls but nothing serious.

We emailed a couple of times and it was nice but I found myself checking my email a million times a day to see if she had replied. I last heard from her about 8 months ago, she didn't reply to my last email.

A couple of months ago I moved and started getting out there and going on dates which has helped a lot but she was always still in the back of my mind so I was extremely happy when I tried the free click tracks and they worked.

An issue I have had was thinking I would never get a girl as cool and as attractive as her, as she was objectively very attractive and I find myself comparing her to other girls I'm seeing and then feeling bad when they are not as good.

I would never have found love again
I wouldn't ever have been that happy again

Even when sleeping with other girls I'm comparing their bodies to hers and on occasion I've had to think about my ex to actually finish.

I also had this fear of never talking to or seeing her again, I think I got comfort in the thought that we could still be friends and check in with each other and see how we were going but I haven't heard from her in ages. She also has my dog which sometimes I miss.

Like I said I only discovered PSTEC about a week ago so the majority of all these thoughts and feelings are pre-PSTEC but I definitely want to move on and just feel ok with everything.

I think I'm on the right track but I would definitely love any advice on what to do next.

I don't really feel sad or hurt anymore I kind of just want to move on, I'm sick of it being an issue I'm more excited to use PSTEC in other areas of my life I just want to be done with this part but I want to make sure I "fix" it properly if that makes sense.

Again thanks for all the help.

Also apologies for the super long post.
If you think it, feel it or say it...PSTEC it!
Book a session: https://goo.gl/2VxCUa
Tools I use: Clicktracks (Basic, EEF, 2015) Accelerators, Positive, Positive Extra, Negative, Belief Blasters, Cascade Release, No More Anxiety, No More Anger, Anger Loop, PTSD Loop, Stop Smoking, Think & Grow Rich

shoutman

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Re: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2018, 05:19:37 PM »
Awesome, thanks Brian  :)



 



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