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Author Topic: Getting rid of attachment  (Read 448 times)

Ej

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Getting rid of attachment
« on: October 18, 2019, 06:43:45 AM »
So I ma wondering how best to use pstec. I have a long term relationship, but I met this girl and I am having a crush. this is obviously a negative thing because I am thinking about cheating which I do not want. Since a crush "feels good" it is still an attachment because it will not bring any positive consequences, just negative. I even sometimes feel "jealousy" when I see her with another guy, which is obviously and logically stupid, but I do feel it.

How do I best use pstec (any program) to get rid of this attachment / crush whatever it is?

I tried click tracks with thinking about this girl, but feels good to think aobut her, then I used them thinking of my "neediness", or the jealousy I felt when I saw her with another guy but doesn't seem to be working the best.

any help would be really appreciated.

Paul

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Re: Getting rid of attachment
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2019, 05:15:58 AM »
Hi Ej,

Thanks for posting

I appreciate you sharing what you have shared.

I may need to know a little more about the situation, as I do not wish to presume.

You mentioned that you are in a long term relationship. It strikes me that you have experienced some guilt and regret about this situation.

Before meeting the other girl, were you happy in the relationship? I know "happy" can seem all-encompassing. I do not mean "is your relationship perfect?" Rather, are you happy for the most part within it?

Are you generally happy in other areas of your life?

What is it about the girl you like?

Is there anything about your partner you don't like?

I only ask this, because I find it is better to have a context for the situation. In other words, if there are problems within your current relationship, those can be addressed with the PSTEC tools. For instance, if someone didn't feel appreciated or felt they were taken for granted, another person showing them interest can spark the sort of thoughts you have been having. That is just an example, though, as I do not know enough about your particular situation.

There is no "one size fits all" here but, as you feel bad about the situation, CTing those heavy  feelings would be a useful strategy. Getting rid of guilt will take the steam out of the situation. Getting rid of guilt does not alter your values or ethics.

Then, you could CT any desire you have for the girl. The Click Tracks allow you to neutralise any unwanted emotion. Therefore, you can neutralise positive emotions linked to behaviours you wish to avoid. Effectively, you could try to feel the desire and CT it down to 0 or 1. You could do this with any of the Click Tracks.

If you intend to use PSTEC on a variety of issues, Click Track 2015 (http://bit.ly/clicktrack2015) is a great choice, as it is extremely comprehensive and would allow you to clear things in a very efficient manner.

It would also be very prudent to hunt out and eliminate the beliefs that are feeding this pattern.

This thread may also prove helpful:

http://pstecforum.com/pf/relationships-and-rejection/male-insecurity/

I do have lots of other suggestions, but don't want to overload you. I also look forward to your reply.

Please let us know how you get on, Ej, and please continue to dialogue with us.

All the best,

Paul  :)
Paul McCabe - PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

Recreate yourself with PSTEC.

Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available.

Ej

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Re: Getting rid of attachment
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2019, 06:40:25 AM »
Thanks Paul!

Quote
You mentioned that you are in a long term relationship. It strikes me that you have experienced some guilt and regret about this situation.

yes, I do

Quote
Before meeting the other girl, were you happy in the relationship?
Quite happy yes, now it is all going to sh**. She kind of found out I have a crush, since she read one of my text messages to a friend about her.

Quote
Are you generally happy in other areas of your life?
Not really, I am not unhappy but do not feel fulfilled

Quote
What is it about the girl you like?
Honestly, her youth, cute face and newness

Quote
Is there anything about your partner you don't like?
As with any relationship, yes there is a lot. Most of it is minor, major would be her complaining.

Quote
For instance, if someone didn't feel appreciated or felt they were taken for granted, another person showing them interest can spark the sort of thoughts you have been having.

I know this one is just an example, but the new girl shows no interest, and my LTR shows a lot.

Quote
Effectively, you could try to feel the desire and CT it down to 0 or 1. You could do this with any of the Click Tracks.

I will get Click tracks 2015, how do I use them for this? Don't mean the instructions which I guess are pretty similar to click tracks, but I mean what should I picture to get rid of me wanting her, and just get her to "acquaintance" level of importance.

Quote
It would also be very prudent to hunt out and eliminate the beliefs that are feeding this pattern.
Such as?

Thanks Paul, I really appreciate your help and contribution!!!!

Paul

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Re: Getting rid of attachment
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2019, 09:42:25 AM »
Hi Ej,

Thanks for your reply.

So, you now have a list of things you can address with the PSTEC tools.

It is important that, when using the Click Tracks, you CT the emotion down to a 0 or 1. Often, one or two plays of the track will be sufficient. Otherwise, keep going. You don't have to do it all in one day, of course.

1) You can CT all the things that annoy you about your girlfriend (e.g. her complaining). Simply make a list of all the things that annoy you, try hard to hold onto the annoyance and run the CT.

2) You can CT how you feel now that your girlfriend found out about your crush - guilty or shameful feelings, for instance.

3) You can CT the "thrill of the chase."  Did your girlfriend always show you interest, or did you have to win her over initially? Some people are more drawn to or intrigued by people who show them little or no interest. It can be seen as mysterious and challenging. As you know that you already have your girlfriend's interest, the new girl may feel like an interesting challenge. You can CT how that feels.

4) When you get CT2015, an effective strategy might be to make a list of all the things you find attractive about the new girl - how she looks, how she acts and the feelings you get when you see or think about her. Think of times/memories where those are most prominent. Then run those through the included Wrapper track. This will allow other memories to surface and will enable you to conceptualise this. Then run the long CT2015 track, trying to hold onto the feelings of attraction. Rate the SUD before and after the track. Keep going until you get to a 0 or 1 (e.g. no attraction when thinking of this particular girl)

5) CT any jealousy you have when you think of the girl being linked with her current partner...if you can bring any up.

6) There were beliefs in the thread I linked. These can be run through the Belief Blasters. I sense there might be some beliefs about yourself (e.g. "I am bad for thinking like this", or "I will never get what I want") See if you can find any within yourself when asking "what would someone have to believe to have this experience (e.g. these thoughts/feelings)?", pay attention to what comes up and aim for something core like "People are...", "Relationships are...", "I am...", "Life is.."

Again, it is a process, so please work through it methodically...a piece at a time

Please continue to dialogue with us too, letting us know your progress or if you have any questions/concerns.

Kind Regards,

Paul
Paul McCabe - PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

Recreate yourself with PSTEC.

Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available.


 



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