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Topics - TheHealing

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   I wanted to post for some ideas on this. I've found out I have lyme and i'm improving and I feel i've found effective things to start healing.

But one thing that I feel like is destroying me, that I can't have sex. Initially about 5 months ago the symptoms were pretty bad after having sex, pain and such that night which is something i'll have to deal with when I get to the point i've recovered.

But the main issue now is, due to some of the symptoms being in my groin and ejaculation can flare them up I can't be with women and this has been an important part of my life. I've tried to accept it, but it keeps getting worse, the frustration, anger and other things and I really can't stop thinking about it and fantasizing and instead of lessening it's happening even more, along with dark desires coming up with the frustration and not being able to do anything about it. I feel that's alot of the reason of dark thoughts and such coming up.

I pretty much can't stop thinking about or obsessing about it, and I literally can not think of other ways I can enjoy life or believe that I can find any other way to enjoy life, that life is meaningless and such without sex.

And along with that I guess it's making me even more insecure around women and more depressed around them, which brings more insecurity, and makes me feel more down. Like I see very little point of interacting with women unless I have to if it isn't for sex. But I still want to go out places and just check out attractive women as it seems one of the few pleasures I can find at the moment.

I'm going to try just belief blasters and positive quantum turbo without the clicktracks to see how it goes. One reason is because i'm spending alot of time doing healing methods for my health that are helping.

So to start i'm thinking work on "I can't enjoy life without sex/I can find other ways to enjoy life other than sex."

And "Life is meaningless without sex" and a positive opposite.

Also i've noticed it's eating into my own self esteem, that I feel more worthless, along with other things like i've lost a good amount of muscle due to not being able to physically lift alot and that feeding into it too. There seems to be some beliefs like "I'm absolutely worthless if I can't have sex with attractive women" and such.

I seriously have spent years trying to sort out my issues with women and sex, and slept with more than most people but never felt 'good enough' despite that. And in a way it's kind of like this was something saying "Hey.. pay attention and deal with this" as has happened several times where i've stopped for a little while to work on it then forgot and gone back to obsessing about sex all the time. Well it's like this time I have to pay attention because I can't physically do it duie to the pain.

This whole thing has been difficult for me as i'm not able to do as much as I used to with fatigue and such, but what i've posted about here is by far the most difficult mental/emotional part for me that i'm struggling with.

And it's kind of a unique situation in a way, so can't really find much about others who have had to deal with it. I tried to search and just got articles with religious guilt about sex and such.

And I think I need to work on some beliefs around patience for this, as it may take a while to recover.

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