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Author Topic: Really struggling with not being able to have sex  (Read 615 times)

TheHealing

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Really struggling with not being able to have sex
« on: January 10, 2019, 03:27:26 AM »
Hi,
   I wanted to post for some ideas on this. I've found out I have lyme and i'm improving and I feel i've found effective things to start healing.

But one thing that I feel like is destroying me, that I can't have sex. Initially about 5 months ago the symptoms were pretty bad after having sex, pain and such that night which is something i'll have to deal with when I get to the point i've recovered.

But the main issue now is, due to some of the symptoms being in my groin and ejaculation can flare them up I can't be with women and this has been an important part of my life. I've tried to accept it, but it keeps getting worse, the frustration, anger and other things and I really can't stop thinking about it and fantasizing and instead of lessening it's happening even more, along with dark desires coming up with the frustration and not being able to do anything about it. I feel that's alot of the reason of dark thoughts and such coming up.

I pretty much can't stop thinking about or obsessing about it, and I literally can not think of other ways I can enjoy life or believe that I can find any other way to enjoy life, that life is meaningless and such without sex.

And along with that I guess it's making me even more insecure around women and more depressed around them, which brings more insecurity, and makes me feel more down. Like I see very little point of interacting with women unless I have to if it isn't for sex. But I still want to go out places and just check out attractive women as it seems one of the few pleasures I can find at the moment.

I'm going to try just belief blasters and positive quantum turbo without the clicktracks to see how it goes. One reason is because i'm spending alot of time doing healing methods for my health that are helping.

So to start i'm thinking work on "I can't enjoy life without sex/I can find other ways to enjoy life other than sex."

And "Life is meaningless without sex" and a positive opposite.

Also i've noticed it's eating into my own self esteem, that I feel more worthless, along with other things like i've lost a good amount of muscle due to not being able to physically lift alot and that feeding into it too. There seems to be some beliefs like "I'm absolutely worthless if I can't have sex with attractive women" and such.

I seriously have spent years trying to sort out my issues with women and sex, and slept with more than most people but never felt 'good enough' despite that. And in a way it's kind of like this was something saying "Hey.. pay attention and deal with this" as has happened several times where i've stopped for a little while to work on it then forgot and gone back to obsessing about sex all the time. Well it's like this time I have to pay attention because I can't physically do it duie to the pain.

This whole thing has been difficult for me as i'm not able to do as much as I used to with fatigue and such, but what i've posted about here is by far the most difficult mental/emotional part for me that i'm struggling with.

And it's kind of a unique situation in a way, so can't really find much about others who have had to deal with it. I tried to search and just got articles with religious guilt about sex and such.

And I think I need to work on some beliefs around patience for this, as it may take a while to recover.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2019, 03:30:20 AM by TheHealing »

Truman

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Re: Really struggling with not being able to have sex
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2019, 04:31:10 PM »
remember what buddha said: whatever you resist, persists!

and also christ: do not resist evil!

i would go ahead and do some BB on the metastructure of your problem, which has a super ego nature (culture impossitions):

- sex was bad/wrong
- thinking about sex was bad/wrong
- wanting to have sex was bad/wrong
- desiring women sexually was bad/wrong
- having sex with women was bad/wrong
- i was bad/wrong for wanting sex.
- i was bad/wrong for having sex
- fucking women was bad/wrong
- having tons of sex with women was bad/wrong

and add some PQT to that

- sex is always good and a beautiful thing
- having sex is always good for me from now on
- having sexual desires is always natural and OK to me

TheHealing

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Re: Really struggling with not being able to have sex
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2019, 06:22:06 PM »
It's not so much that, i'm kind of okay with my sexual desire as I have been with alot of women. That's not really the issue at the moment.

Those would be good to deal with remaining guilt over my desires as I have some if I was able to have sex right now.

The problem now is dealing with the issue that I can't have sex because it's physically painful with these health issues and I just can't accept that i'm not able to have sex for quite a while when i'm recovering from this. And i'm struggling to find other ways to enjoy life without it.

Brian

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Re: Really struggling with not being able to have sex
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2019, 09:04:57 AM »
Your last sentence is an indicator you might want to blast the beliefs - listed in past tense alr3ady
Life was a struggle
I couldn't have enjoyed myself
I didn't deserve to be happy
I didn't deserve to have enjoyed myself
I couldn't have lived without sex
I would have died without sex
Going without sex was hard
I couldn't have gone very long without sex
« Last Edit: January 15, 2019, 09:50:54 PM by Brian »
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TheHealing

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Re: Really struggling with not being able to have sex
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2019, 12:13:31 AM »
Thanks, those are some I didn't think of Brian.

I've been doing a few of these. Not daily, because the time it takes up to do the processes with the other things i'm doing. Maybe a few times a week. Though it's been about a week since the last one.

A few i've done.
BB - Sex was the most important thing in the world for me.
PQT - I can find more to enjoy in life other than just sex.

I noticed after this a bit of a shift the next day, that I wasn't as obsessive at looking at girls at the gym. And some I really was attracted to I realized "All I wanted was sex, she doesn't have much else I care about" and wasn't interested in her. That only really lasted that day.

Also briefly I went down the street and the world seemed like a different place, like I could just enjoy going to the supermarket. And I could look at girls but it wasn't the only thing, I could just enjoy being in the world.

BB - Life was meaningless without sex.
PQT - I can find more to enjoy in life other than just sex.

BB – Getting sex with attractive girls was the only way I could be worthy.
PQT - I’m absolutely worthy enough exactly as I already am now.

BB - If I can’t have sex then it means i'm worthless.

This BB process was more intense than others I remember, I actually had sadness and tears in my eyes and my arms covering myself up as if I was protecting myself. I haven't that that during BB before and i've done a fair few in the past.

PQT - I know I’m absolutely worthwhile now.

I noticed at the gym the next day I felt good about myself and how I look even if i've lost weight with what i'm dealing with.

BB - I need validation from girls to be worthwhile.

PQT - I am absolutely worthwhile now.

Felt especially insecure the next day. 2 days later felt different, more comfortable and talkative.

BB – I need attention from girls to be worthwhile.

PQT – I am absolutely worthwhile now.

The next I was inspired to go out of the house but then the frustration and depression around not being able to have sex when I seen attractive girls was pretty strong.

The next day I felt pretty good going to a market with a friend, I noticed I talked to some girls working at the stalls without caring about trying to get anything.

And today especially annoyed a girl at the gym wasn't giving me attention and insecure.

I plan to do another few tomorrow. But i'm noticing I usually feel worse the next day, and 2 days later feel good and notice a bit of a shift. Then it comes back stronger.

Tomorrow I will do BB If I don’t get attention from girls it means I’m nothing.

And i'll come up with something for PQT.

But it kind of seems hopeless, it always just comes back. The obsession and frustration. I guess spending about 40 minutes for a bit of relaxation from it a few days later for a few hours you could say is worth it.. but it just seems endless.

I say that in feeling it was the same in the past doing PSTEC on other things. Like doing well with girls with it before this health stuff, more than in a while but when I stopped it the insecurities and stuff come back and it didn't stick.

Unfortunately those insecurities have got worse with the health issues too. But even back then i'd have to keep at it almost every day for things to keep going or it would kind of stop.

Paul

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Re: Really struggling with not being able to have sex
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2019, 07:56:56 AM »
Hi TheHealing,

Thanks for your updates.

You're doing really well, so you can just layer in some additional concepts.

You can change course a bit here and get really "core" on this.

Sex is the context where you experience the problem, but probably not the actual problem. It seems to me that the issue is really about self-worth and that sex was how you felt worthwhile, worthy and enough.

You possibly felt enough when you had sex and, without that strategy, you possibly felt bereft.

Thus, it might be a survival strategy.

This can be extrapolated to anything - making money, attention, approval, work. If we ever have to do something to be OK, good enough, worthy etc. it is a survival strategy. Everyone will create these, so it is absolutely normal and reasonable.

So, you may wish to see if any of these ring true (already in the past tense, but test them in the present tense):

- "I was not good enough"
- "I was inadequate"
- "What made me good enough/worthwhile was getting attention from women"
- "What made me good enough/worthwhile was having sex"
- "What made me good enough/worthwhile was being a great lover"
- "What made me good enough/worthwhile was having people thinking well of me"
- "I was not manly enough" (without sex)
- "I was deeply flawed"
- "I was powerless"
- "I was defective"
- "I was bad"
- "I was not right"
- "I was dirty"
- "I was not acceptable"
- "I was worthless"
- "I was not worthwhile"
- "I was not worthy"
- "I could not get my needs met"
- "I was hopeless"
- "Life was hopeless"

If any of those resonate with you, I recommend you blast them. See if any others come from this. "Feel what it feels like" to hold the belief, imagine it it absolutely the truth (use any "evidence" you can find and look throughout your whole life) and blast it. Check how it feels at the end of the track. Say the words of the belief again. It will likely feel neutral. If it feels even slightly true, run the track again.

You can do this for every belief you no longer want.

You can also take your time to go through this.

Hopefully this helps.

Please let us know how you get on.

Best Regards,

Paul  :)


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