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Author Topic: Letting go and moving on  (Read 1223 times)

dollpens

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Letting go and moving on
« on: August 19, 2019, 09:13:40 PM »
Is it possible to remove all feelings and connections to a certain person?

My situation:
My boss and I fell for each other and started a emotional affair, and began planning our future together. He has since "changed his mind" and decided he wants to stay in his current relationship. I am heart broken and having a difficult time adjusting and working. I love my job and do not want to quit.
He acts completely unaffected by letting go where I can barely function at work or at home.
I need to be able to work with him without feeling sad or hurt all day. I am also having a very hard time accepting the fact that it is over.  A large part of me is holding on and hoping he changes his mind.  I need to let go and move on.
Is it possible to rid myself of this connection I feel for him, to let go and move on so I can continue to work with him?  i would like all feeling to be dissolved and only have professional thoughts of him as a boss only. 
I have the free click tracks and I have purchased the belief busters.  I am very willing to do or purchase anything else that is needed in order for me to move forward.
Thanks in advance for any help

Paul

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Re: Letting go and moving on
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2019, 08:33:35 AM »
Hi Dollpens,

Thank you for taking the time to post.

I am sorry to learn about your relationship break-up, and I appreciate this will be a very difficult time for you - especially as you see your boss every day.

Firstly, I recommend making a list of all the things that are bothering you about the situation and also everything that bothers you about your boss, the relationship and the way the relationship ended.

Write down the list and really let the negative emotions and feelings, of which there is likely a mixture, surface.

Rate the feelings on a SUD scale of 0-10 (it won't be 0 initially, of course).

Run either of the free Click Tracks while trying hard to hold onto the emotions and thinking of the memories (e.g. "pain linked to being rejected", "annoyance about the way he doesn't seem to care about me").

Follow all of the instructions to the letter - tap in time to the track, try to hold onto emotions linked to the events etc.

Rate the feelings at the end of the track. Use the SUD scale.

If it is not a 0 or 1 after running the track initially,  please run it again. There is no race here, so go at a comfortable pace. Even if you ran the track just once per day, you would be chipping away at the problem and it'd eventually no longer bother you. Many times, just one or two plays of the track would be enough.

The Click Track 2015 package (http://bit.ly/ct2015desc) offers variety, but you may already have enough.

There is more than one way to do this, by the way.

You could, for instance, simply try to feel upset while thinking about your boss and running that through the Click Track until you get to 0 or 1.

If you want to eliminate anh attraction/longing you have, you can also CT those feelings while thinking about him.

You could also see if there any historical pains (relationships or otherwise) that you want to clear. I could not recommend this highly enough.

As you own the Belief Blasters, I recommend checking whether these beliefs (already in the past tense, so say them in the present tense if it helps) resonate with you. Say them out loud and, if they resonate, feel true or painful, blasting them will help profoundly:

- "I was not good enough"
- "I did not matter"
- "I was second best"
- "I was forgotten"
- "I was betrayed"
- "Relationships didn't work"
- "I was never going to get what I wanted"

There will be others.

Again, no rush at all, but blast all the beliefs that create the emotional pattern at a pace which is comfortable for you.

I hope this helps and is clear. If not, please let me know.

You can, I assure you, completely resolve this, dollpens.

Please feel free to dialogue with us and keep us updated.

All the best,

Paul
Paul McCabe - PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

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Brian

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Re: Letting go and moving on
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2019, 08:41:57 AM »
This must be very painful for you and certainly puts you in what could be perceived as an "inescapable" situation.

(Definitely want to CT this)

Is it possible to remove all feelings and connections to a certain person?

Yes

My situation:
My boss and I fell for each other and started a emotional affair, and began planning our future together.

CT what you believed (hoped/had expectation of) that future to be


He has since "changed his mind "My heart was broken"" and decided he wants to stay in his current relationship.


I am heart broken

CT this or even belief blast "I am heartbroken" "My heart was broken" "People must not change their minds"

 and having a difficult time adjusting and working.

CT the feeling of difficulty around this of this and also the feeling of having a hard/difficult time accepting



I love my job and do not want to quit.

GREAT!

He acts completely unaffected by letting go where I can barely function at work or at home.

CT This and/or belief blast "I couldn't function anymore" "I am unable to function" "I can barely function"


 
I need to be able to work with him without feeling sad or hurt all day.

CT the negative feelings around that


I am also having a very hard time accepting the fact that it is over. 

You can CT this, even belief blast "I couldn't accept it was over" "I couldn't believe it was over"

Other feelings to CT

I can't/don't want to believe it's over
I can't/don't want to accept it over
I don't want it to be over
I have to make this work somehow
He still wants/loves/needs me

Also CT the feelings that you need this person in some way and that they are useful to you, in any way you can conceivably think of

Ct the feelings that you can't live, won't be able to survive without them, you might even die without them

CT any feelings of rejection and grief



A large part of me is holding on and hoping he changes his mind.  I need to let go and move on.

CT ANY and ALL feelings of hope around this



Is it possible to rid myself of this connection I feel for him, to let go and move on so I can continue to work with him?  i would like all feeling to be dissolved and only have professional thoughts of him as a boss only. 



I have the free click tracks and I have purchased the belief busters.  I am very willing to do or purchase anything else that is needed in order for me to move forward.
Thanks in advance for any help

If you were to purchase PQT some positive suggestions would absolutely help. Happy to provide a few should you choose to do so.

It can and will only get better provided you "do the work"!
« Last Edit: August 20, 2019, 08:54:53 AM by Brian »
If you think it, feel it or say it...PSTEC it!
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Tools I use: Clicktracks (Basic, EEF, 2015) Accelerators, Positive, Positive Extra, Negative, Belief Blasters, Cascade Release, No More Anxiety, No More Anger, Anger Loop, PTSD Loop, Stop Smoking, Think & Grow Rich

Brian

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Re: Letting go and moving on
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2019, 09:13:20 AM »
Two other beliefs that can help with this are

"I didn't see it coming"
"I should have seen it coming"

Often times this is the initial shock that will cause the trauma. It's a form of disbelief and denial. Given the circumstances, it's highly possible that it would have happened, though we tend to convince ourselves to believe it wouldn't have.

Another great belief to blast is

"This is my last chance to be loved"

Be sure when you blast each belief you really feel the feeling associated with each belief. Very important when using Belief Blasters.


« Last Edit: August 20, 2019, 09:50:06 AM by Brian »
If you think it, feel it or say it...PSTEC it!
Book a session: https://goo.gl/2VxCUa
Tools I use: Clicktracks (Basic, EEF, 2015) Accelerators, Positive, Positive Extra, Negative, Belief Blasters, Cascade Release, No More Anxiety, No More Anger, Anger Loop, PTSD Loop, Stop Smoking, Think & Grow Rich

dollpens

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Re: Letting go and moving on
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2019, 11:24:49 AM »
Thank you Paul and Brian for you responses.

I have a few follow up questions:

Paul had mentioned being able to click track to eliminate the attraction/longings for him,  do I think of the happy feelings I get when thinks those thoughts or do I need to try and switch those longings to a negative feeling.

Also while click tracking I often tone out Tim voice in order to focus on the emotion or on the clicking is that correct way to do so or should I be focusing on his voice?

On the belief blaster do I think in regards to present thought. Such as " I can let go and move forward" or should I do "I couldn't let go and move forward"?

Can I do these belief blaster and CT multiple times a day to help speed up the process?

Again thank you!

Brian

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Re: Letting go and moving on
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2019, 12:07:00 PM »
Thank you Paul and Brian for you responses.

I have a few follow up questions:

Paul had mentioned being able to click track to eliminate the attraction/longings for him,  do I think of the happy feelings I get when thinks those thoughts or do I need to try and switch those longings to a negative feeling.

CT everything associated with the longing feeling to a 0

Also while click tracking I often tone out Tim voice in order to focus on the emotion or on the clicking is that correct way to do so or should I be focusing on his voice?

You want to focus on the memories, the feelings and the tapping. The words will do their own thing as a result of you focusing on the other three items.

On the belief blaster do I think in regards to present thought. Such as " I can let go and move forward" or should I do "I couldn't let go and move forward"?

You will want to break that down into two simple beliefs

I couldn't let go
I couldn't move forward

Can I do these belief blaster and CT multiple times a day to help speed up the process?

Yes you can do several a day. It's suggested to do a few to get used to the emotional releasing that will occur as a result.

Again thank you!
If you think it, feel it or say it...PSTEC it!
Book a session: https://goo.gl/2VxCUa
Tools I use: Clicktracks (Basic, EEF, 2015) Accelerators, Positive, Positive Extra, Negative, Belief Blasters, Cascade Release, No More Anxiety, No More Anger, Anger Loop, PTSD Loop, Stop Smoking, Think & Grow Rich

Brian

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Re: Letting go and moving on
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2019, 08:21:05 AM »
Here are three beliefs that can bring some tremendous relief for this situation. Already in past tense for you.

1.) I was always to blame (for everything)

2.) Everything was (always) my fault

3.) I should have prevented it and I could/must have prevented it

The third one is rather important. When we encounter an unexpected "break" in an attachment, the normal human response is one that will cause panic, hysteria, desperation, anger at others, anger at self, guilt, shame, obligation etc.

Not only do you feel like you should have done something to have prevented it, more importantly you will also naturally try to prevent it from happening in the present to regain the attachment and also continue preventing it from happening again.

It is best to eradicate this belief because not only is it excruciatingly painful, it will keep you stuck and as a result cause all sorts of irrational behaviors.

While you blast these, also think about past relationships where you have had similar situations, including family members (mom and dad) intimate partners and friends.


One of many beliefs that also get tipped to the negative is "The world is a dangerous place" so in past tense "The world had been a dangerous place"

You can also blast "It was my fault nobody loved me" The guilt, shame and self-hatred are rather strong with this belief.

Another great one to CT is the feeling of "being rejected while you are still in love"

Many people are not only in agony, but also feel completely incapacitated due to this extreme level of "romantic" rejection.

There are a certainly few more much larger and deeper beliefs that are behind what is going on. Please take time to do the suggested work and let us know how you are progressing and share what you are thinking, feeling if/when you are comfortable.





« Last Edit: August 22, 2019, 08:39:00 AM by Brian »
If you think it, feel it or say it...PSTEC it!
Book a session: https://goo.gl/2VxCUa
Tools I use: Clicktracks (Basic, EEF, 2015) Accelerators, Positive, Positive Extra, Negative, Belief Blasters, Cascade Release, No More Anxiety, No More Anger, Anger Loop, PTSD Loop, Stop Smoking, Think & Grow Rich


 



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